A taste of the Big Apple

Tucker:  We haven't been blogging.
mr_ed:  No, I've been awfully tired at night.
Tucker:  Not from taking care of us!
mr_ed:  One errand was to buy dog food and a couple of extra bowls because I thought we'd have guests for a few days.
Tucker:  Puppy's human and his friend and her son?
mr_ed:  Two dogs that were living at puppy's human's house.
Tucker:  No more dogs!
mr_ed:  They're sweet girls, and you might have had more dogs to dominate. Mystique didn't even try to bug them very much. Want to see some pictures?
Tucker:  No.
mr_ed:  Don't worry. Looking at their pictures won't make them suddenly appear.

Puppy Mystique and Puppy Masei

Puppy Mystique and Grizz

Tucker:  I remember them. So where did they go?
mr_ed:  ::shrug::  I don't know. Their people said they'd call me, but they didn't.
Tucker:  At least we have more food. Is puppy going back now?
mr_ed:  Her human moved to New York today. Or to New Jersey by way of New York, or something.
Tucker:  So puppy is going there?
mr_ed:  No, his plans were still up in the air. Even after the plane landed.
Tucker:  ::snort::  Have you ever been there?
mr_ed:  New York City? The Big Apple?
Tucker:  Why go there for that? We have apples in the back yard. They're little, but there are lots of them.
mr_ed:  I didn't go for apples, but yes, I've been there a few times. I had to see for myself who's buried in Grant's Tomb!
Tucker:  Mrs. Grant.
mr_ed:  Grumpy Bear speaks truth! How did you know?
Tucker:  Haven't you ever heard of tele ... ummm ... commu  ::frown::  nications?
mr_ed:  I even have some textbooks on the subject. But I didn't know about your polysyllabicity.
Tucker:  ::suspicious look::  Are you trying to talk over my head?
mr_ed:  You're on the floor and I'm in a chair. I am talking over your head.
Tucker:  Anyway. You don't have to go there to know there.
mr_ed:  Good point! Which allows me to mention Overheard in New York, snippets of conversation heard in passing and posted for all to enjoy. For example, recent entries about dogs and telecommunications go:

It'd Be Goodbye, Valtrex

Dog owner to pup bugging drunk girl: Heel, dog, heel.
Drunk girl's friend: Oh my god, what if that dog could actually heal you?!

-- Outside Plug Uglies
   Overheard by: Starkie


It's Funny, Though -- She Never Calls

Bimbette: Yeah, me and Beyoncé is friends on MySpace. She invites me to all the hot events, like her concerts and parties. She even bulletins me.
Boyfriend: For real?
Bimbette: Yeah, we's like best friends.

-- Shuttle to Times Square
   Overheard by: Is not friends with Beyonce :(


mr_ed:  I could read Overheard in New York all night - and almost did once.


The Game -- 'Gaining Control by Withholding Information'

Father: Do you have to pee?
Son: No.
Father: Do you have to poo?
Son: Maybe.
Father: It kind of matters.

-- Restroom, Barnes & Noble, Union Square
   Overheard by: Jon A.


At Least for the Rabbit
Hipster: Why you wearin' such a big hat?
Junkie wearing top hat: It's not just a hat -- it's a port-a-potty.

--E Houston near Broadway
   Overheard by: Big Larry


Wednesday Wrote the Book on One-Liners

Dude: Are those people speaking sign language? That would be really cool... Although, there wouldn't be much point in them coming to a bookstore, unless they're in the braille section...

-- Barnes & Noble


Dr. Frankenstein's Wednesday One-Liners

Bimbette: Like, I totally starting choking. Something got stuck in my coccyx. It was bad.

-- College Walk, Columbia University
   Overheard by: DD

Crazy old man, pointing and yelling at little kid: Your skin is on backwards! Don't be naive!

-- Washington Square Park
   Overheard by: tj


mr_ed:  For readers who are naive (about street talk, anyway), please be aware that a huge portion of  Overheard in New York may be offensive (even more than the discussion of poo) due to topics and language that are vulgar, racist, or lifestyle-oriented. That's life in the big city!


Wednesday One-Liners Are One of the Properties of a Metal

Conductor: While you are waiting for trains, please do not sit on the edge of the platform. Not only could you lose your legs, but you could delay your fellow passengers.

-- Long Beach-bound LIRR
   Overheard by: Matt P.

Conductor: The next stop is North White Plains, and everyone needs to get off there because the train will be aborted to the train yard. Yes, the train yard... And you don't want to be at the train yard. It is a dark and lonely place...

-- Metro-North

Conductor: This is the Six local train. Next stop is 42nd, Grand Central. And remember, folks, if you're having a bad day, don't try to have a good one. That's just impossible. Next stop, 42nd.

-- 6 train
   Overheard by: freckles

Conductor: Once again, ladies and gentlemen, today is July 31st. November monthly tickets are no longer valid on this train.

-- LIRR
   Overheard by: Does that mean I can use my December ticket?

Conductor: This is the voice of your conductor. Remember, only I can move the train. [Pauses while train begins moving, then] See? Just like that.

-- A train
   Overheard by: McF.

Conductor: I wish you would stop sticking your head out through the doors. If you want to be the conductor, take the test. Then you can stick your head out all you damn well please.

-- 7 train, Queensboro Plaza
   Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Conductor: This is the Q local. An express train is right across the platform. [Doors close] Wave goodbye!

-- Q train
   Overheard by: Zvi


via Overheard in New York