My jeans are famous

mr_ed:  Remember I spent a few days in a row at the MaxFund animal shelter?
Tucker:  I remember you came home smelling like other dogs.
mr_ed:  Right. Well, on the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, I posted a note on our volunteer forum just saying that Pearl was still looking for a home two years later. The shelter manager sent email to the local media, and the next day one of the TV stations came to do a little story on Pearl.
Tucker:  You didn't say she's coming here, did you?
mr_ed:  No, no. I didn't even talk. I just held her leash, and she sat next to me, and when they filmed her, my pants legs were in the picture.
Tucker:  A new TV show. Celebrity Pants Legs.
mr_ed:  Yeah, they showed the story that night. I was at the shelter the next day, and there were already at least two people interested in her. Then the next day, another TV station came out, and I got to handle Pearl again. This time, they wanted me to walk her too. They interviewed me a little, but I don't think that made it into the story.
Tucker:  You going to sell your jeans on eBay?
mr_ed:  Funny you should mention eBay. The Humane Society of the U.S. says Michael Vick left behind the notes he spoke from when he claimed he was apologizing during a press conference. The words, "Dogs have suffered," are on the paper but weren't spoken by Vick.
Tucker:  So what about eBay?
mr_ed:  The HSUS is auctioning Vick's notes on eBay. Bids have to be in by mid-day September 14th.
Tucker:  ::snort::  Kinda funny. I wonder what the winner will do with it.
mr_ed:  In further news about Vick, the Associated Press reported that Whoopi Goldberg defended Vick in her first day on the TV show "The View."
Tucker:  What did she say?
mr_ed:  That "'from where he comes from' in the South, dogfighting isn't that unusual" ... and then "it seemed like a light went off in his head when he realized this was something that the entire country didn't appreciate."
Tucker:  That's so wrong.
mr_ed:  It's the kind of stuff I scoop out of the back yard so the neighbors don't complain about the smell. Well, I could write a couple of pages about that.
Tucker:  But it's late.
mr_ed:  Right. Let's just say that if he thought the entire country appreciated dogfighting, he would have bought property close to Richmond and not out in a rural area. And he wouldn't have lied to the people signing his checks.
Tucker:  Maybe that was just because he was embarrassed about gambling after they told him not to.
mr_ed:  The article doesn't say whether Goldberg addressed the gambling issue. Well anyway, poor Vick.
Tucker:  Why?
mr_ed:  It must be quite a rude shock to wake up one day and realize that although you think "dogs are sport," as Goldberg said, the Feds think you've been committing felonies.
Tucker:  Eliot Ness kicks down your door.
mr_ed:  J. Edgar Hoover sends you threatening photos of him wearing only a slip.
Tucker:  Rival quarterbacks try to muscle in on your dogfight franchise.
mr_ed:  In New York, baseball "families" have running gun battles in the street.
Tucker:  Basketball forwards take over West Coast arenas.
mr_ed:  Up North, hockey goalies have been quietly gaining control.
Tucker:  Soccer cartels run Latin American dogfighting.
mr_ed:  In Florida, profits are slim due to competition from small kennels run by jai alai teams and secret facilities in mah jongg parlors.
Tucker:  Suddenly you know why they said, "No gambling!"
mr_ed:  Yes, it's a whole different world once you reach the intersection of Arrogant Avenue and Stupid Street.
Tucker:  Poor Vick.
mr_ed:  Sports Illustrated sure isn't going to bump John Elway and name Vick the best athlete to wear number 7.
Tucker:  He runs pretty good, though.
mr_ed:  Yeah, but he ain't never gonna run touchdowns in four Superbowls like Elway.
Tucker:  Bowls make me think of food.
mr_ed:  Right-o. Treats and bedtime.
Tucker:  Woowoooo!