Things couldn't be finah in Chinah

Tucker:  You've been on the computer for hours.
mr_ed:  I pulled together information for a couple of blogs I want to write, but I'm tired now and they're too heavy.
Tucker:  The blogs will smash the computer?
mr_ed:  They'll require a serious tone that I don't have the energy to write with and wouldn't want to read, anyway.
Tucker:  Heavy means serious?
mr_ed:  Sometimes.
Tucker:  Light means not serious?
mr_ed:  Sometimes.
Tucker:  You have something light to write about?
mr_ed:  A little.
Tucker:  This is going well.
mr_ed:  How about a Chinese man who can inflate and burst hot water bags through his nose?
Tucker:  Chinese hot water bags?
mr_ed:  I guess so.
Tucker:  They must be poor quality.
mr_ed:  Oh, goodness no. Haven't you heard? China produces high-quality stuff! Like the toys Mattel recalled - "Difference in standards was a main reason why the country's exports to some countries were frequently alleged to be problematic in quality, said the watchdog."
Tucker:  Oh.
mr_ed:  Yeah! And can you believe it? Some countries are "playing up China's product quality issues and using them as trade barriers" to increase sales of domestic stuff.
Tucker:  I've never heard of such a thing!
mr_ed:  That's why I'm so surprised that "the country's four-month special campaign to improve food and product safety" has temporarily halted "more than 300 toy export companies" and "identified 92 food export enterprises that had violated the rules."
Tucker:  My.
mr_ed:  And they've "recorded 32,800 cases of individuals and companies making or selling fake, poor-quality food and shut down 2,000 production facilities."
Tucker:  Mercy!
mr_ed:  And that's not all!

To date the [State Food and Drug Administration] has suspended 6,441 drug registration applications, cancelled 578 drug license numbers, the production permission certificates of five drug manufacturers and 1,202 medical appliance companies.

Tucker:  Are you sure this is a light blog?
mr_ed:  How about, "Reporter jailed for cardboard-stuffed bun hoax"?
Tucker:  Huh?
mr_ed:  A reporter "fabricated a TV news saying that Beijing dumpling makers used cardboard as a filling."
Tucker:  That's good for one ::har::
mr_ed:  Hmmm. Well, there's the story headlined "China establishes crruption prevention bureau."  [Headline has since been corrected online.]
Tucker:  That's good news.
mr_ed:  In Guangdong, 45% of women would rather marry a rich man than get a good job. Also, More than 40 percent of women said being good looking was more beneficial to finding a good job, then having ability.
Tucker:  Like spelling. When you write for a newspaper.
mr_ed:  You've got it. But being rich isn't easy, you know. You're in the spotlight, even in China, and a headline says the "Nation's rich have poor reputation."
Tucker:  They have reputations for being poor?
mr_ed:  They have reputations for not having "a sense of social responsibility" or "a caring heart."
Tucker:  How do they show caring hearts?
mr_ed:  They can say that they've "made obvious achievements in protecting" wildlife, I guess, and deny that "it is 'inhumane' to extract bile from the gallbladders of farmed bears."
Tucker:  Well, but what about individually?
mr_ed:  You could scold people who push to the front of the line.
Tucker:  Scolding is caring?
mr_ed:  You scold some people because you care about others. Like when you bring out your army.
Tucker:  Of course. What are you talking about?
mr_ed:  You hold joint military exercises with Russia and a few other countries "[t]o crack down on the 'three evil forces' - terrorism, separatism and extremism."  By saying that separatism is an evil force the Russians mean, "We won't let Chechnya be independent even though our constitution says they can be if they want."
Tucker:  So you scold Chechens because you care about Russians.
mr_ed:  And Chinese. On a lighter note - in fact, a bank note - a woman passing counterfeit money tried to swallow the evidence when she was caught by police. She choked on it and a hospital saved her life.
Tucker:  She was trying to be generous with her money. She just didn't have any to be generous with.
mr_ed:  Speaking of not having something, the 50 people who live in a Hainan village changed its name from Tianmeidong to Tianweiban. A feng shui master had told them it would increase their prosperity. But the character for ban isn't in the set of computer encodings officially used in China (though it's present in Unicode and even Big5 encoding).

Therefore the village name can't be entered into bureaucratic computers. Therefore

"Many villagers have not been able to get marriage certificates and are facing difficulties while seeking jobs, traveling and dealing in property," the China Daily said, citing an earlier report in the Nanguo Metropolitan News.

Tucker:  Bummer.
mr_ed:  Apparently some news reports said the character was obscure. But as xiaolongnu and michael farris noted,

> [T]he real story here is not how weird the character is, but how limited the Chinese bureaucracy is.
Here I am thinking that the real story is: Don't let a fortune teller name your village.

Tucker:  Good point.
mr_ed:  The take-home message.
Tucker:  The bottom line.
mr_ed:  The name of the game.
Tucker:  The meat.
mr_ed:  The nut.
Tucker:  The kernel.
mr_ed:  The heart.
Tucker:  The core.
mr_ed:  The gist.
Tucker:  The substance.
mr_ed:  The quintessence.
Tucker:  The brass tacks.
mr_ed:  The nitty-gritty.
Tucker:  The reality.
mr_ed:  Zhong Fu.
Tucker:  Naturally.
mr_ed:  Inner Truth.
Tucker:  I see.
mr_ed:  No, I Ching. "There will be advantage in crossing the great stream. There will be advantage in being firm and correct."
Tucker:  I'm going to firmly and correctly go to sleep.
mr_ed:  Good idea.

I don't need this

mr_ed:  I was downstairs mucking with the laundry tonight, and when I came up I saw that somedoggy had barfed in the kitchen, the dining room, and just outside the garage.
Tucker:  I don't feel so good.
mr_ed:  Yes, and then I saw you barf in the living room. And you're drinking lots of water. Hey! Don't slap your muddy paws in the water bowl!
Tucker:  Don't yell at me. I feel icky.
mr_ed:  So don't take food from the neighbors. That's what you did, right? I saw pieces of steak and some vegetables, I think. Did you get that from the same neighbors who gave you guys the nice sharp leftover t-bones to chew on?
Tucker:  Wooo  I don't know.
mr_ed:  Hey, neighbors! Don't feed my dogs! They don't need it, I don't need it.


mr_ed:  Former Communist folk singer Pete Seeger, 88 years old, has written an anti-Stalin blues song.
Tucker:  Who?
mr_ed:  Who, who?
Tucker:  Stalin.
mr_ed:  Ahh, too much to go into right now, but Joesph Stalin, born Ioseb Besarionis Dze Jughashvili in his native language, controlled the Soviet Union from around 1930 until he died in 1953 and had millions upon millions of Soviet citizens killed in political purges.
Tucker:  That was a while ago.
mr_ed:  Yeah. Seeger dropped out of the Communist Party in 1950 and later said he was anti-Stalin, but he hadn't written anti-Commie songs the way he had previously written anti-war, pro-Commie, and whatever else.
Tucker:  Okay, so what?
mr_ed:  Exactly! Mr. Seeger, the world does not today need an anti-Stalin folk song! Good grief! After writing bombshells like "Where Have All the Flowers Gone", "If I Had a Hammer", and "Turn, Turn, Turn!" you flog a man who's been dead 50 years? How about an anti-Putin song? Anti-Stalin we don't need!


mr_ed:  This just in:

A joint statement issued Sunday by economic ministers from the 10-member Association of Southeast Asian Nations and China, at the end of their annual consultations, said product quality and food safety were common challenges faced by every country. All parties should actively cooperate in improving controls and ensuring quality, it added.
...
With growing numbers of countries rejecting Chinese goods, China has sought to reassure consumers by highlighting similar problems in other countries and criticizing foreign media for playing up the safety problems.

mr_ed:  THANK YOU CHINA !!! I am completely reassured by your rhetoric!
Tucker:  I'm not.
mr_ed:  Okay, I'm not either. I'm just being ironic.
Tucker:  Sarcastic.
mr_ed:  Whatever. We need better stuff, China, not better speeches!
Tucker:  Reports.
mr_ed:  Whatever.
Tucker:  Your aura doesn't look so good. I don't think I need to be exposed to it right now.
mr_ed:  Grrr
Tucker:  That's my line.
mr_ed:  Okay, you're right. It's Bedtime for Bonzo.
Tucker:  Wooo!
mr_ed:  G'night to you too, bunky.