My mind's a car - a Rambler

mr_ed:  My brain is mush.
Tucker:  To start the team you say Hike!  Not Mush!
mr_ed:  How about Hush!
Tucker:  ::snort::  It's my blog.
mr_ed:  There's interesting news....
Tucker:  So you say.
mr_ed:  ... but I spent too much time researching and writing in other places. I figured I'd maybe just copy that stuff over here. Then I figured, even better, I'd summarize it here. Then I realized even that would take a couple of hours, and I'm not up for it.
Tucker:  ::yawn::  I'm not up for long myself.
mr_ed:  A few days ago I couldn't find my can of DirectStop citronella spray.
Tucker:  I didn't do it.
mr_ed:  I found the puppy chewing on it.
Tucker:  See?
mr_ed:  The cap that holds the trigger assembly was destroyed, the trigger was missing altogether, and she was chewing on the little tube that comes up out of the can. You and Jaeger seem to need this stuff to keep from tearing each other up.
Tucker:  Dumb Jaeger.
mr_ed:  So I went to the store to get another one, only they've changed it. Its new name is SprayShield. Different formulation, maybe. Different trigger that may be safer but takes just a little longer to get into action. I know because, of course, I had to use it that night.
Tucker:  Dumb Jaeger.
mr_ed:  How's your nose feel?
Tucker:  A little owie.
mr_ed:  So is Jaeger's, I think. Anyway, apparently I lost it the next day. And that was the only can at that store, so I went to another store and got their only can. And the clip that was stuck to the side of the can immediately came off.
Tucker:  They don't make things like they used to. You should just get rid of Jaeger and puppy. Then you won't need spray.
mr_ed:  Well, I'm really upset about that. Mystique's human got home Friday night.
Tucker:  So why is she still here?
mr_ed:  It was late and he wanted to get right to sleep so he could go to work in the morning, so I said that of course we could keep her another night.
Tucker:  So why is she still here?
mr_ed:  Because he didn't call, and the people at his job said he hadn't come in to work after all. I don't know whether he's sick or injured or acting just a wee bit irresponsibly.
Tucker:  Like puppy.
mr_ed:  Well, gee.
Tucker:  Gee is to turn right. Haw is to turn left.
mr_ed:  Like you know anything about pulling a sled. Anyway, puppy still has a puppy brain - her human is a fully-grown adult. You expect different amounts of maturity from them.
Tucker:  I s'pose.
mr_ed:  Not that old age excuses crankiness.
Tucker:  You talkin' to me?
mr_ed:  Do you feel lucky, punk?
Tucker:  I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.
mr_ed:  Hey soldier, do you know who's in command here?
Tucker:  Ain't you?
mr_ed:  Time to go back to sleep. If I had raisins and a sprinkle of cinnamon, my brain would be genuine organic oatmeal.
Tucker:  Treat first?
mr_ed:  Breakfast when I wake up again.
Tucker:  ::big Husky grin::

Babies, babies, babies

mr_ed:  Yesterday's AOL news had stories about babies, babies, and more babies.
Tucker:  Human babies are probably more annoying than puppies.
mr_ed:  Julianna Margulies might be pregnant.
Tucker:  Who?
mr_ed:  I don't know. Someone on TV, maybe. It says she might also be engaged to her boyfriend.
Tucker:  Dogs get engaged, but not that way.
mr_ed:  Chris O'Donnell's wife is pregnant with their fifth.
Tucker:  Whose wife?
mr_ed:  I don't know. Some actor, maybe. On the Today show he said, "Yeah, we're just starting to figure out how it works. I think I know why this is happening...."
Tucker:  Maybe you should get a TV so you'll know these people.
mr_ed:  And Michelle Duggar just had a baby.
Tucker:  Is she on TV?
mr_ed:  I guess she has been a couple of times, she and her family.
Tucker:  See? Who's in the family?
mr_ed:  Her husband Jim Bob and their children Jackson, James, Jana, Jason, Jedidiah, Jennifer, Jeremiah, Jessa, Jill, Jinger, Johannah Faith, John-David, Joseph, Joshua, Josiah, Joy-Anna, and Justin.
Tucker:  How many litters was that? Three or four?
mr_ed:  No, humans usually only have one or maybe two babies at a time unless the couple is using fetility drugs and whatnot. Then you might get four, five, six.
Tucker:  That's how to do it. Because what if they get parvo? With a big litter, one or two might live.
mr_ed:  You wouldn't think that's the way to do it if they all survived - and they usually do - and you had to take care of all of them.
Tucker:  Males do not take care of puppies. Odddogs like Jaeger might play with an older puppy. Sometimes. It is okay for Jaeger because he looks related to Mystique.
mr_ed:  Otherwise it's not okay?
Tucker:  It should be a female who lets puppies chew on her ears and grab her tail and jump on her head.
mr_ed:  Like Gremlin?
Tucker:  She is not very maternal. Except with the hedgehog stuffed toy. Which is mine because I am King of the Stuffies.
mr_ed:  There are human females who aren't very maternal, either. One possibility might be a woman whose name starts with "Britne..." and ends with "...pears." But it's all rumor, so I don't think it would be fair to reveal her whole name.
Tucker:  Hmmm. ::thinking "Britnea, Britneb, Britnec...."::
mr_ed:  And one wonders how Lionel Richie's adopted daughter will do as a mother.
Tucker:  One does, doesn't one?
mr_ed:  Ah, well. There are children - and puppies and kittens - closer to home who also deserve thoughts and prayers.
Tucker:  And there are seniors.
mr_ed:  True.
Tucker:  Like me. I need a thought and a prayer and a treat.
mr_ed:  I'll see what I can dream up for you. Good night, sleep tight!
Tucker:  Don't let the bed dogs bite.
mr_ed:  I'll be sure to tell Jaeger and Mystique not to bite. Will you come help me if they do?
Tucker:  ""ZZZzzzz....::

Well, shoot

Tucker:  Where are your guns?
mr_ed:  There's a shotgun next to the front door, another one next to the bed, one by the toilet, one under the computer table....
Tucker:  No there's not.
mr_ed:  I don't have any guns.
Tucker:  It's bad karma to lie to your dog. You'll come back as a squirrel.
mr_ed:  Why would I need guns when I have three large dogs? Anyone who's too doped up to be afraid of a gun still won't come near a dog.
Tucker:  Is that true?
mr_ed:  I dunno - I just said it.
Tucker:  Sounds good, though.
mr_ed:  And if I did  have guns, I wouldn't tell you where they were. For your own protection.
Tucker:  You think I might hurt myself?
mr_ed:  I think you might hurt me, and then I'd be mad at you. You might not get any treats for a long, long time.
Tucker:  You saw that story then?
mr_ed:  Yes I did. Whole lotta not thinking going on there.
Tucker:  I could see Jaeger knocking a gun on the floor with his tail.
mr_ed:  Somebody told me about a similar situation, only it was cups of tea and cans of pop. They set 'em up, dog knocked 'em down. Again and again. Really, you have to be smarter than the dog.
Tucker:  Not possible.
mr_ed:  Okay, smarter than the dog's tail.
Tucker:  Does puppy bite her tail because it's smarter than she is, and she's jealous?
mr_ed:  You'd have to ask her.
Tucker:  I'm not speaking to her. She and Jaeger are really on my nerves tonight.
mr_ed:  I noticed. Guess it's back to Prednisone.
Tucker:  I've never been to PregnaZone. I said that before. I'm a male.
mr_ed:  You said that before, too. It's medicine, fluff brain.
Tucker:  ::sad husky eyes::
mr_ed:  Fluff tail - I meant fluff tail! A handsome tail that would never knock things off coffee tables!
Tucker:  I need a treat.
mr_ed:  Yes, so your tummy won't be empty for the medi... midnight hour. It's tough to wake up in the night and be hungry and there I am all asleep and stuff.
Tucker:  I accept your apology.
mr_ed:  Very gracious of you! May the wheel of karma bring you back as a highly evolved being!
Tucker:  A red and white Siberian Husky.
mr_ed:  ::big hug::
Tucker:  Oof!  Go to bed and let me eat my treat.
mr_ed:  Sweet dreams!

Fame and fortune

mr_ed:  You got some good press for Blogathon!
Tucker:  That's because I am good!
mr_ed:  You've fooled a few people, anyway.
Tucker:  Did you see what Kittyn said about me?  "[P]erhaps the coolest blog out there this year."
mr_ed:  Of course, you have help.
Tucker:  "Tucker writes beautifully and Mr. Ed only serves to complement his fine friend."
mr_ed:  Mmm-hmm.
Tucker:  I don't remember any compliments today.
mr_ed:  "Tucker is a beautiful Siberian Husky" wasn't enough?
Tucker:  She said that four days ago. What have you done for me lately?
mr_ed:  Gave you food, treats, more food, more treats....
Tucker:  Yadda.
mr_ed:  Oh?
Tucker:  That's only enough for one yadda.
mr_ed:  You were outstanding in promoting the MaxFund no-kill animal shelter during Blogathon! We booked just over $1000 in pledges! You and your beautifulness were a  ::cough::  lean, mean, sponsor-grabbing machine!
Tucker:  Huh. Girls are beautiful. Boys are handsome.
mr_ed:  Give her a break, she's a cat person. You're handsome to a girl Sibe, of course.


Tucker:  That was mean.
mr_ed:  But for most people, fluffy dogs are beautiful. "Handsome" would be for, say, German Shepherd Dogs.
Tucker:  Except when they pull the poor dog's leg way back.
mr_ed:  Yeah, those extreme hip angulations are something else. Stacking a dog like that makes it look like someone's trying to pull the drumstick off a turkey. But anyway, you're a good-lookin' dude.
Tucker:  Yeah, yeah. But we did get lots of sponsors, didn't we?
mr_ed:  Yup! There were around 45 bloggers raising money for animal-welfare groups, and we came in third!
Tucker:  We beat the Southern California Bulldog Rescue.  ::big Husky smile::
mr_ed:  Yes, we got just a few  more dollars in pledges than they did. But we didn't "beat" them - everybody's a winner here. By the way, our friend Meeshka came in first for animals, blogging for Harnessed to Hope Northern Breed Rescue.
Tucker:  Who was second?
mr_ed:  Why, our friend Kittyn, blogging for the ASPCA! You should go thank her and congratulate her.
Tucker:  Yes. I will. What's for tomorrow?
mr_ed:  Contacting our sponsors. Catching up on stuff that we let slide for at least the last week.
Tucker:  Did you say lots of naps?
mr_ed:  No, I said hook the Husky up to a cart and take some heavy furniture to Goodwill.
Tucker:  Yes, that's what I thought you said. Lots of naps.
mr_ed:  The infamous Husky hearing impairment.
Tucker:  Huh?
mr_ed:  Who's on first?
Tucker:  What's in it for me?
mr_ed:  No, What's on second.
Tucker:  Name the right fielder.
mr_ed:  Huh?
Tucker:  That's what I  said!
mr_ed:  When you're right, you're right.
Tucker:  No, I'm not in right. That's why I'm asking you, "Name the right fielder."
mr_ed:  Naturally.
Tucker:   That's what I thought.
mr_ed:  G'night, bucko.
Tucker:  ::snort::  G'night.

At least it worked for Blogathon!

mr_ed:  Boy, that was all kinds of unpleasant.
Tucker:  All kinds?
mr_ed:  Several kinds, anyway.
Tucker:  What was worst?
mr_ed:  Oh, man, it's hard to choose. The tech's English that I couldn't understand ... saying the program he needed for checking my account was down ... then saying that software that runs 24 hours a day needs to shut down for a half-hour every day ... right when they're cutting in a new customer base ... that I had to have Internet Explorer to finish setting up my account ... not knowing squat about Linux and not grasping the idea that people wouldn't install Windows just so they could use IE to finish setup ... AAARRRGH !!!
Tucker:  Why did we have to do this?
mr_ed:  Because our nice small broadband company sold out to the Evil Comcast Empire, and tonight was when Comcast gobbled us up. Only we didn't have a Comcast account, so >poof< went our internet.
Tucker:  What about when you called back?
mr_ed:  Ah yes. Listening to the recording that said most connectivity problems could be solved by power-cycling the modem.
Tucker:  The woman who pulled up our account easily.
mr_ed:  The different tech who insisted I couldn't be on the internet because she couldn't see my modem. Lady, I'm not getting a Comcast error page from my router....
Tucker:  When she said the MAC address was on the bottom of the modem.
mr_ed:  Yeah, by then my brain had blown a circuit or two. She wouldn't believe that there wasn't a sticker on the bottom. "The modem has to have a MAC address." Yes, of course it does, just not on the bottom. Ohhh, waaiiit a minute ... it's on the side. I sure felt like thunking my head at that moment. But I'm not into any more closed-head trauma these days.
Tucker:  Then you unplugged the modem accidentally.
mr_ed:  Yeah, I shoulda said I did it on purpose. After it powered back up she could sure-nuff see it.
Tucker:  And she activated our account.
mr_ed:  And it worked for a half hour.
Tucker:  And then it didn't.
mr_ed:  And the third tech couldn't see the modem. So it's "obviously" an equipment problem and someone has to come to the house.
Tucker:  And after you hung up....
mr_ed:  ... it worked again. Hey, okay, I understand that an iffy piece of equipment can cut in and out. Buuuut ... I look first to what changed. Change something, problem crops up, look at what changed. Local equipment stayed the same from our computer out to the fiber cable and upstream some ways. But the account got shuffled around. Hmmm.
Tucker:  ::yawn::
mr_ed:  Well anyway.
Tucker:  Blogathon's over.
mr_ed:  It's a wrap.
Tucker:  Be there. Aloha.
mr_ed:  There are eight million stories in the naked city.
Tucker:  This has been one of them.
mr_ed:  In and for the City and County of Los Angeles.
Tucker:  Y'all come back now, y'hear?
mr_ed:  ::sings::  Happy trails, to you....
Tucker:  ::sings::  Until, we meet, again....
mr_ed:  Well that means it's over for sure - the fat Husky sang.
Tucker:  Grrr.
mr_ed:  The pledge part, anyway.
Tucker:  I met my goals.
mr_ed:  The same amount of sleeping but more treats and face rubs?
Tucker:  Goals need to be realistic.
mr_ed:  True.
Tucker:  Did we meet our goals?
mr_ed:  Yeah. Yeah, actually, we did.
Tucker:  So what's wrong with that?
mr_ed:  Oh, nothing. Just tired, I guess. Holey moley, would you look at the time? I'm going to bed. At least we know the modem is working.
Tucker:  Gonna call off the tech visit?
mr_ed:  Think I should?
Tucker:  If the modem's working, yes.
mr_ed:  I'll sleep on it.
Tucker:  The cable won't reach that far.
mr_ed:  Hmmm. But it looks long enough to bean you with the modem. Why don't we just go to bed now.
Tucker:  I don't know.
mr_ed:  All right then. G'night.